After producing several best-selling family journals in the traditional hardcover format, we have just released our first electronic book.
If you are a dog lover like we are, you may be interested in THE LIFE OF MY DOG - OUR LOVE STORY IN 140 WAYS, which helps you chronicle and remember all the great things about your four-legged friend's life. We have filled it out for Bo, our border collie, and will treasure it always. Here's more information on our new e-book:
The Life of My Dog
Hope you like it!
Kate and David Marshall
Marshall Books
www.marshallbooks.com
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Dog Sports - A Truly Cultural Divide
My wife Kate wrote this one:
It's hard to just dabble in dog sports. Once you step up to the start line and lock eyes with your canine partner—your fun-loving and hardworking teammate—you'll be hooked. I started Agility just to keep myself and my dog fit. Now I say "Hello, my name is Kate. I am an Agility addict."
Under cover of early morning fog, I join a small weekend army of mini-vans with bumper stickers like "My Poodle's Smarter Than Your Honor Student," quietly slipping out of cul-de-sacs everywhere to partake in various dog sport trials. We addicts often drive for hours for a chance to compete in Obedience, Agility, Fly Ball, Tracking, or whatever our dog sport of choice may be. We share passion and respect for dogs, but each sport has its own rules, vocabulary and culture.
Trials for herding, hunting, water sports and disc sports not only have different tasks for the dog, but also different atmospheres for the human. The happiest dog-handler teams have found the sport that both calls on the dogs' natural talents and has the right vibe for the handlers.
On a typical Saturday morning, a canine obstacle course is erected in a park in Dixon, California for an all-day Agility trial. A judge from Arizona carefully watches a manic, barking Australian Shepherd whirling through the course.
"Jess, here... over... weave!" Erica, the dog's spandex-clad handler, chirps out directions and quick praise as the Aussie leaps and shimmies through the correct sequence of jumps, tunnels and weave poles.
After the last jump, sideline supporters give a rowdy hurray. They know this successful run has earned Jess her Open title. The dog leaps into the elated owner's arms, ready for victory play—and liver bits.
On the same morning, fifty miles away in a park in Walnut Creek, an Obedience trial gets going. A woman in a polka-dotted sweatshirt releases her young Dalmation from a "sit stay" across the ring by firmly calling "Max, come!"
The handler nervously holds her breath until the dog comes. He correctly sits squarely in front of her, awaiting the "finish" command. So far so good, but she doesn't want to jinx a qualifying score by relaxing until the last test is done. If they succeed, the dog can add a CD (Companion Dog) title to the end of his name and start trying more difficult tests.
Jigs, a golden-eyed border collie, enters the ring with Sharon, his strawberry blond handler, for the "Long Sit" portion of the Obedience test. Jig's white paws and Sharon's trail running shoes swish in lock step through the damp grass, which is extra long and sweet from recent rains. His keen eyes and erect ears freeze on Sharon as she unclips his leash.
"Jigs, sit," she calmly commands. Jigs pops his bottom down and waits for the next command. Perfect.
"Jigs, stay." As Sharon steps away she holds his gaze, but sees his nostrils flare.
Her eyes flash "Don't even think about it," but it's too late. The intoxicating sweet grass has overwhelmed Jigs. Down he goes, face first into the grass, rubbing its sweetness onto his snout, then neck. Now fully inebriated he flounces down, belly up and starts high-
speed wriggling to work as many good grass smells as possible into his black and white coat before getting busted. The judge excuses Sharon and Jigs from the silent ring.
If this happened to you, would you a) immediately groom the grass stains out of his white blaze; b) plan hours of quiet, dignified retraining; c) howl in amusement at your break dancing canine; or d) be amazed your dog even sat when you suggested it?
Your response likely depends on whether you participate in a dog sport and if so, which one. [Answers: a) Conformation, b) Obedience, c) Agility, d) None of the Above]
Sharon has been involved in all of the above dog worlds, but at heart Sharon and Jigs are an Agility team that does Obedience on the side. Taking initiative and having fun makes Jigs a smarter, faster Agility dog. So yes, she laughs heartily about his untimely roll. Plus it was darn cute.
"Oh man, was he in heaven," Sharon chuckles as she tells the story to another mostly-Agility person.
"Geez, Sharon. Don't you know you're not allowed to laugh in Obedience?!"
But the difference between Obedience and Agility cultures pales in comparison to the divide between Conformation and Herding worlds, especially with border collie lovers. Here the split goes beyond style, with passionate debate over whether breeding towards a physical standard rather than herding talent is good for the breed or bad. Confessing a preference for a certain ear carriage or coat at a working border collie herding trial is a serious faux pas.
I decide to test the mood at the AKC National Championships, where my daughter and herding-reject turned agility-star border collie are entered in Agility. There is no Herding event there, but many Agility people I know who have border collies dream of living on a farm with sheep some day, so I use them as a proxy.
A 50-foot high metal curtain strategically divides the Long Beach Convention Center into Agility and Conformation worlds. I venture over to the Conformation side in time for the border collie gathering. I don't need a passport to cross the border, but I immediately feel underdressed in my cargo pants and "In Dog We Trust" t-shirt. I am glad I left my un-bathed dog on the other side.
"Gosh, I'm surprised by how different the show collies look from the ones over in Agility," I say, testing the waters with a spectator whose allegiance I have not yet determined.
"Oh, you mean the Coyotes?" I can't tell if she is joking so I hastily retreat.
"Did you know that show people call these border collies coyotes?" I ask on the other side of the iron curtain.
"Oh, you mean the Barbie Collie people?" This time I stay long enough to see the smile.
About the Author: Kate Marshall is a writer living in Moraga, California. She is married with two children. Her border collie is by far the better half of their Agility team. Kate is the co-author of four fill-in journals: The Book of Us: A Journal of Your Love Story in 150 Questions (Hyperion, 1998), The Book of My Pet: In Celebration of Pets (Hyperion, 2000), Words to Live By: A Journal of Wisdom for Someone You Love (Broadway Books, 2005), What I Love About You (Broadway, 2007), and the 2007 e-book: The Life of My Dog. Over 150,000 copies of her journals have been sold. www.marshallbooks.net
It's hard to just dabble in dog sports. Once you step up to the start line and lock eyes with your canine partner—your fun-loving and hardworking teammate—you'll be hooked. I started Agility just to keep myself and my dog fit. Now I say "Hello, my name is Kate. I am an Agility addict."
Under cover of early morning fog, I join a small weekend army of mini-vans with bumper stickers like "My Poodle's Smarter Than Your Honor Student," quietly slipping out of cul-de-sacs everywhere to partake in various dog sport trials. We addicts often drive for hours for a chance to compete in Obedience, Agility, Fly Ball, Tracking, or whatever our dog sport of choice may be. We share passion and respect for dogs, but each sport has its own rules, vocabulary and culture.
Trials for herding, hunting, water sports and disc sports not only have different tasks for the dog, but also different atmospheres for the human. The happiest dog-handler teams have found the sport that both calls on the dogs' natural talents and has the right vibe for the handlers.
On a typical Saturday morning, a canine obstacle course is erected in a park in Dixon, California for an all-day Agility trial. A judge from Arizona carefully watches a manic, barking Australian Shepherd whirling through the course.
"Jess, here... over... weave!" Erica, the dog's spandex-clad handler, chirps out directions and quick praise as the Aussie leaps and shimmies through the correct sequence of jumps, tunnels and weave poles.
After the last jump, sideline supporters give a rowdy hurray. They know this successful run has earned Jess her Open title. The dog leaps into the elated owner's arms, ready for victory play—and liver bits.
On the same morning, fifty miles away in a park in Walnut Creek, an Obedience trial gets going. A woman in a polka-dotted sweatshirt releases her young Dalmation from a "sit stay" across the ring by firmly calling "Max, come!"
The handler nervously holds her breath until the dog comes. He correctly sits squarely in front of her, awaiting the "finish" command. So far so good, but she doesn't want to jinx a qualifying score by relaxing until the last test is done. If they succeed, the dog can add a CD (Companion Dog) title to the end of his name and start trying more difficult tests.
Jigs, a golden-eyed border collie, enters the ring with Sharon, his strawberry blond handler, for the "Long Sit" portion of the Obedience test. Jig's white paws and Sharon's trail running shoes swish in lock step through the damp grass, which is extra long and sweet from recent rains. His keen eyes and erect ears freeze on Sharon as she unclips his leash.
"Jigs, sit," she calmly commands. Jigs pops his bottom down and waits for the next command. Perfect.
"Jigs, stay." As Sharon steps away she holds his gaze, but sees his nostrils flare.
Her eyes flash "Don't even think about it," but it's too late. The intoxicating sweet grass has overwhelmed Jigs. Down he goes, face first into the grass, rubbing its sweetness onto his snout, then neck. Now fully inebriated he flounces down, belly up and starts high-
speed wriggling to work as many good grass smells as possible into his black and white coat before getting busted. The judge excuses Sharon and Jigs from the silent ring.
If this happened to you, would you a) immediately groom the grass stains out of his white blaze; b) plan hours of quiet, dignified retraining; c) howl in amusement at your break dancing canine; or d) be amazed your dog even sat when you suggested it?
Your response likely depends on whether you participate in a dog sport and if so, which one. [Answers: a) Conformation, b) Obedience, c) Agility, d) None of the Above]
Sharon has been involved in all of the above dog worlds, but at heart Sharon and Jigs are an Agility team that does Obedience on the side. Taking initiative and having fun makes Jigs a smarter, faster Agility dog. So yes, she laughs heartily about his untimely roll. Plus it was darn cute.
"Oh man, was he in heaven," Sharon chuckles as she tells the story to another mostly-Agility person.
"Geez, Sharon. Don't you know you're not allowed to laugh in Obedience?!"
But the difference between Obedience and Agility cultures pales in comparison to the divide between Conformation and Herding worlds, especially with border collie lovers. Here the split goes beyond style, with passionate debate over whether breeding towards a physical standard rather than herding talent is good for the breed or bad. Confessing a preference for a certain ear carriage or coat at a working border collie herding trial is a serious faux pas.
I decide to test the mood at the AKC National Championships, where my daughter and herding-reject turned agility-star border collie are entered in Agility. There is no Herding event there, but many Agility people I know who have border collies dream of living on a farm with sheep some day, so I use them as a proxy.
A 50-foot high metal curtain strategically divides the Long Beach Convention Center into Agility and Conformation worlds. I venture over to the Conformation side in time for the border collie gathering. I don't need a passport to cross the border, but I immediately feel underdressed in my cargo pants and "In Dog We Trust" t-shirt. I am glad I left my un-bathed dog on the other side.
"Gosh, I'm surprised by how different the show collies look from the ones over in Agility," I say, testing the waters with a spectator whose allegiance I have not yet determined.
"Oh, you mean the Coyotes?" I can't tell if she is joking so I hastily retreat.
"Did you know that show people call these border collies coyotes?" I ask on the other side of the iron curtain.
"Oh, you mean the Barbie Collie people?" This time I stay long enough to see the smile.
About the Author: Kate Marshall is a writer living in Moraga, California. She is married with two children. Her border collie is by far the better half of their Agility team. Kate is the co-author of four fill-in journals: The Book of Us: A Journal of Your Love Story in 150 Questions (Hyperion, 1998), The Book of My Pet: In Celebration of Pets (Hyperion, 2000), Words to Live By: A Journal of Wisdom for Someone You Love (Broadway Books, 2005), What I Love About You (Broadway, 2007), and the 2007 e-book: The Life of My Dog. Over 150,000 copies of her journals have been sold. www.marshallbooks.net
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
My Father on Iraq War - "Dying in Vain" a Reason to Stay?
My father, Gene Marshall, was born in 1932 and is 75 years old. He lives in a small town in Texas. He served overseas as a chaplain in the U.S. Army the late 1950s. This is what he has to say about the Iraq War. David Marshall
The following is one of the most ridiculous ploys ever uttered in political speech: "Our military personnel who died in Iraq have died in vain if we do not stay and win." If it is true that this war should never have been launched, then indeed, let us face it, these men and women have died in vain. And if this is so, it is not their fault; it is the fault of all those who have promoted this war, whether in or out of military service. If the U.S. presence in Iraq is making matters worse, then those who are now dying and will die because of our continued presence are indeed dying in vain. If this war is a mistake, then the tens of thousands who have been wounded have made these sacrifices in vain. Again, this is not their fault, but the fault of all those who have promoted and permitted this war. These wounded warriors have a right to our respect and gratitude and to our provision for them of the best healthcare services money can buy. Doing this for them is a valid part of our nation's commitment to conduct this war. But it can still be true that all this sacrifice has been in vain. And if so, then each veteran, citizen, and politician needs to face up to this truth, no matter how painful this truth may feel.
Going forward, our policy decisions about this war cannot be made on the basis of protecting someone, anyone, from having some bad feelings. Our issue is a moral one and a practical one about what must now be done. Anyone who claims that this nation should stay in this war longer in order to protect persons from realizing that their sacrifices have been in vain shows their idiocy as a moral thinker. Deeper still, they can be charged with overt wrongdoing for manipulating the pained feelings of U.S. citizens with this ridiculous political speech. If this war has been in vain, then it has been in vain. We can even ask if it has been worse than being in vain. Has it been utterly delusory, incredibly incompetent, and even downright wicked? And if so, then the sooner we confess this and accept our forgiveness for this, the sooner we will have enough moral sanity to make good decisions going forward.
Also ridiculous is the political speech that claims that "supporting our troops" means "staying the course." This is another instance of wrong-headed manipulation and outright disrespect for every veteran and every U.S. citizen. The use of such political speech for justifying this war is an admission that good reasons for this war are missing, or at least secret. Using the above justifications for this war is clearly a ploy to stir the feelings of U.S. citizens in support of a policy whose true reasons are not being stated. So what are our true reasons for being in Iraq? Here is my carefully considered view. The true reasons for our being in Iraq were designed long before 9/11, long before the first Iraq war. The true reasons have to do with protecting the oil supply of this oil rich sector of the world from falling into "other" hands. It is ironic that some promoters of this war can also say that this nation should wean itself from its oil addiction. That is like an alcoholic saying he should wean himself from his alcohol while making big sacrifices to acquire a whiskey factory. Let us have some straight talk here. Do we want to expend ourselves getting off the oil habit, or do we want to expend ourselves protecting our oil supply? This question at least raises an honest moral issue.
There are other bits of political speech that need debunking. We are told that we are in Iraq to do something for the Iraqi people, "helping to maintain social order long enough for them to stand up so we can stand down." There is a sector of the Iraqi people who want us to stay, namely those who believe that their current political empowerment would be vulnerable without our support. But there is a larger sector of the Iraqi people who suspect that our motives for being in Iraq are entirely in our own self interest and who feel violated that we presume to make for them key decisions about their destiny. If a fair vote could be taken among Iraqi people about our staying or leaving, we would be asked to leave. The same result has taken place and will take place as such votes are taken in the United States. Promoting democracy at home or abroad has never been the goal of our being in Iraq. We are there to control the oil. If we the people, whose government this is supposed to be, admit this basic oil-related purpose, then much clarity emerges.
So let us face this question directly, "Should we control the Iraqi oil?" We don't want the Chinese to control it. We don't want the Europeans to control it. We don't want Iran to control it. But let us face the big picture: none of these nations want us to control that oil. And the Iraqi people, most of them, do not want us to control it. So if we want to make a positive contribution to the dilemmas of this part of the world, the very first thing we should do is renounce our right and our intent to control this oil. This includes tearing down our permanent bases in Iraq or at least turning them over to Iraqis. Then, there might be some chance of reaching some kind of international agreements on how this oil supply and the wealth derived from it might be best used on behalf of all the people of the planet. Our go-it-alone imperial nationalism does not please anyone in the world, including most U.S. citizens. Cutthroat competition with big military back-up is not the way to work these things out.
One last item of bad political speech needs our attention: "losing this war would be a national shame." Losing or winning can have a thousand meanings. This is not a game of football where winning is clearly defined and the home team is loyally rooted for. If winning means controlling the oil, then winning is a tyrannical outcome. If winning means establishing by force a form of government for a people who do not want it, then winning is again both inadvisable as well as impossible. If winning means establishing an international consensus on how to conduct affairs in this West Asian, Middle Eastern part of the world, then winning could include a rather prompt withdrawal of U.S. military forces from that part of the world. When our political discussion focuses on this sort of winning, we might discover something for the U.S. government to do that is not in vain.
Gene Marshall - Bonham, Texas, www.realisticliving.org
The following is one of the most ridiculous ploys ever uttered in political speech: "Our military personnel who died in Iraq have died in vain if we do not stay and win." If it is true that this war should never have been launched, then indeed, let us face it, these men and women have died in vain. And if this is so, it is not their fault; it is the fault of all those who have promoted this war, whether in or out of military service. If the U.S. presence in Iraq is making matters worse, then those who are now dying and will die because of our continued presence are indeed dying in vain. If this war is a mistake, then the tens of thousands who have been wounded have made these sacrifices in vain. Again, this is not their fault, but the fault of all those who have promoted and permitted this war. These wounded warriors have a right to our respect and gratitude and to our provision for them of the best healthcare services money can buy. Doing this for them is a valid part of our nation's commitment to conduct this war. But it can still be true that all this sacrifice has been in vain. And if so, then each veteran, citizen, and politician needs to face up to this truth, no matter how painful this truth may feel.
Going forward, our policy decisions about this war cannot be made on the basis of protecting someone, anyone, from having some bad feelings. Our issue is a moral one and a practical one about what must now be done. Anyone who claims that this nation should stay in this war longer in order to protect persons from realizing that their sacrifices have been in vain shows their idiocy as a moral thinker. Deeper still, they can be charged with overt wrongdoing for manipulating the pained feelings of U.S. citizens with this ridiculous political speech. If this war has been in vain, then it has been in vain. We can even ask if it has been worse than being in vain. Has it been utterly delusory, incredibly incompetent, and even downright wicked? And if so, then the sooner we confess this and accept our forgiveness for this, the sooner we will have enough moral sanity to make good decisions going forward.
Also ridiculous is the political speech that claims that "supporting our troops" means "staying the course." This is another instance of wrong-headed manipulation and outright disrespect for every veteran and every U.S. citizen. The use of such political speech for justifying this war is an admission that good reasons for this war are missing, or at least secret. Using the above justifications for this war is clearly a ploy to stir the feelings of U.S. citizens in support of a policy whose true reasons are not being stated. So what are our true reasons for being in Iraq? Here is my carefully considered view. The true reasons for our being in Iraq were designed long before 9/11, long before the first Iraq war. The true reasons have to do with protecting the oil supply of this oil rich sector of the world from falling into "other" hands. It is ironic that some promoters of this war can also say that this nation should wean itself from its oil addiction. That is like an alcoholic saying he should wean himself from his alcohol while making big sacrifices to acquire a whiskey factory. Let us have some straight talk here. Do we want to expend ourselves getting off the oil habit, or do we want to expend ourselves protecting our oil supply? This question at least raises an honest moral issue.
There are other bits of political speech that need debunking. We are told that we are in Iraq to do something for the Iraqi people, "helping to maintain social order long enough for them to stand up so we can stand down." There is a sector of the Iraqi people who want us to stay, namely those who believe that their current political empowerment would be vulnerable without our support. But there is a larger sector of the Iraqi people who suspect that our motives for being in Iraq are entirely in our own self interest and who feel violated that we presume to make for them key decisions about their destiny. If a fair vote could be taken among Iraqi people about our staying or leaving, we would be asked to leave. The same result has taken place and will take place as such votes are taken in the United States. Promoting democracy at home or abroad has never been the goal of our being in Iraq. We are there to control the oil. If we the people, whose government this is supposed to be, admit this basic oil-related purpose, then much clarity emerges.
So let us face this question directly, "Should we control the Iraqi oil?" We don't want the Chinese to control it. We don't want the Europeans to control it. We don't want Iran to control it. But let us face the big picture: none of these nations want us to control that oil. And the Iraqi people, most of them, do not want us to control it. So if we want to make a positive contribution to the dilemmas of this part of the world, the very first thing we should do is renounce our right and our intent to control this oil. This includes tearing down our permanent bases in Iraq or at least turning them over to Iraqis. Then, there might be some chance of reaching some kind of international agreements on how this oil supply and the wealth derived from it might be best used on behalf of all the people of the planet. Our go-it-alone imperial nationalism does not please anyone in the world, including most U.S. citizens. Cutthroat competition with big military back-up is not the way to work these things out.
One last item of bad political speech needs our attention: "losing this war would be a national shame." Losing or winning can have a thousand meanings. This is not a game of football where winning is clearly defined and the home team is loyally rooted for. If winning means controlling the oil, then winning is a tyrannical outcome. If winning means establishing by force a form of government for a people who do not want it, then winning is again both inadvisable as well as impossible. If winning means establishing an international consensus on how to conduct affairs in this West Asian, Middle Eastern part of the world, then winning could include a rather prompt withdrawal of U.S. military forces from that part of the world. When our political discussion focuses on this sort of winning, we might discover something for the U.S. government to do that is not in vain.
Gene Marshall - Bonham, Texas, www.realisticliving.org
Monday, March 26, 2007
High School & College Graduation Present
I am posting an article from the San Francisco Chronicle about a wonderful book by my wife and daughter that helps families share their wisdom about life with their kids as the younger generation graduates from high school or college.
'A RESPECTFUL OFFERING OF LIFE LESSONS' -A DIFFERENT KIND OF GRAD GIFT
by Harriet Chiang
San Francisco Chronicle, June 10, 2005
It's hard to say whether giving advice to a teenager is tougher on the parent or the child.
Kate and Emily Marshall should know. Over the years, they've had the typical mother-daughter talks about drugs, dating and other touchy topics.
That thought crossed Kate's mind as she tried to think of a gift for Emily's high school graduation. Watches, pens and, of course, money are all well and good. But this Moraga mom wanted something more personal and from the heart.
Seeking a project they could do together, the mother and daughter decided to put together a journal of advice, memories and sage stories from Emily's parents, grandparents and other family members.
Kate Marshall delicately described it as a "respectful offering of life lessons.''
She noted that the teenager could read the journal in private without having to sit through a lecture, which can be an emotional minefield. "We found that it was a good way for us to share things with her in a way that saved face,'' Kate said. "If she chose to follow the advice or not, that was her choice.''
Emily, 18, saw it as a collection of people sharing stories from their past. "I wanted to see more questions that would necessarily evoke a more personal response,'' said Emily, who was a junior at Campolindo High School in Moraga when she began working with her mother on the journal. "I was always the kind of kid that was very independent about things and probably less inclined to take advice.''
Using Emily's journal as a template, the Marshalls have published "Words to Live By: A Journal of Wisdom for Someone You Love," a fill-in book that parents can give to their children as they take off for college, a step closer to adulthood.
The book, which came out in April, covers a number of general life topics, including the art of making and keeping friends, ways to nurture your mind, body and spirit, developing money smarts and finding and sharing love.
They exchanged a steady stream of e-mails in coming up with questions that were posed for contributors. Some were philosophical -- "In my experience, lasting friendships come from:'' Others were practical -- "Some rules of thumb about car, home or other insurance are:'' A few led to disagreements between mother and daughter -- "My view on drug, tobacco and alcohol use is:''
"The drugs, alcohol and sex questions, I honestly didn't want to hear any more about it,'' Emily said.
But Kate insisted. "I thought it was important to have something for her, '' she said.
Do-it-yourself books run in the Marshall family.
Kate's husband, David, and his grandfather, Carl, published in 1994 "The Book of Myself: A Do-it-Yourself Autobiography in 201 Questions,'' a guide to writing an autobiography. David teamed up with Kate four years later to write "The Book of Us: A Journal of Your Love Story in 150 Questions,'' for couples who want to commemorate their romance in writing. Kate and David followed that up with "The Book of My Pet: In Celebration of Pets.'' All the books are published by Hyperion.
Her journal with Emily "was something that combined my love of parenting and my love of journals,'' said Kate, who worked part time as a marketing director while raising her daughter and son.
Emily's personal journal was sent throughout the country in a padded envelope, mailed to grandparents in New Hampshire, an uncle in Vermont, another uncle in New York and relatives in Oregon and Texas.
A brother-in-law of Kate's who was going through a divorce wrote about how to get over a broken heart. David advised his daughter about how to find the right guy. Emily's grandfather offered tips on investing. Someone else quoted Miss Piggy's lofty words, "Never eat more than you can lift.''
Many of the subjects probably wouldn't have been part of a casual "How are you doing" conversation with a member of the family. Often the writing, which covered parenting and other potential future topics, were invitations for Emily to talk to them sometime in the future. "There are things that people are comfortable writing but not initiating in a conversation,'' Kate said.
Although the book is relatively new, some family friends and acquaintances are already snatching up copies.
Shirlie Burns of San Leandro bought a journal for her niece's daughter, who just graduated from high school, and she plans to get another one for her granddaughter, who graduates in two years. "It's very wise to get it ahead of time,'' she said. "If you're going to write anything where it comes from the soul, it's better to think and construct what you want to put together.''
Much of the advice would never come up unless in a heart-to-heart conversation, she said. "And how many of those do you really have?''
Lynda Phelps, whose daughter, Bailey, went to school with Emily, picked up a journal for when her daughter graduates from college. She hopes to get comments about love from her husband's parents, who have been married for 66 years, before their memories fade. "Grandma has such lovely handwriting,'' she noted. And she wants to include her own memories of the family camping trips near Santa Cruz.
Phelps, who is a college adviser in Moraga, also plans to suggest the journal to some of her clients as they deal with their children's college and financial aid applications. "It's a big crossroads to go off and leave home,'' she said. "It's a nice time to give advice.''
She stressed the importance of people other than the parents offering advice. "Your advice they won't be reading it and loving it until they're in their 50s,'' Phelps said. "But grandparents or that sage aunt or uncle -- they haven't had the entanglements, that constant struggle, that push-pull that goes on between teenagers and parents.''
Emily, who just finished her freshman year at Wesleyan University, kept her journal on a shelf in her dorm room, wedged between favorites by Kurt Vonnegut and Maya Angelou. One aspect of the journal she especially enjoys is looking at the handwriting of family members, occasionally recognizing them from birthday cards. The handwriting of her aunt, the doctor, was particularly hard to read.
And every once in a while, when her roommate was away and she had a quiet moment, she would take out the journal and read some of the entries. "It was just when I felt like I needed to reconnect with my other world.''
---
If you have a son, daughter, or grandchild about to graduate from high school or college, please consider this book as a wisdom gift from your family to your young loved one as they go out into the world. We did one for our daughter Emily several years ago and are now composing one for our son Ben as he gets ready to graduate from high school. David Marshall
'A RESPECTFUL OFFERING OF LIFE LESSONS' -A DIFFERENT KIND OF GRAD GIFT
by Harriet Chiang
San Francisco Chronicle, June 10, 2005
It's hard to say whether giving advice to a teenager is tougher on the parent or the child.
Kate and Emily Marshall should know. Over the years, they've had the typical mother-daughter talks about drugs, dating and other touchy topics.
That thought crossed Kate's mind as she tried to think of a gift for Emily's high school graduation. Watches, pens and, of course, money are all well and good. But this Moraga mom wanted something more personal and from the heart.
Seeking a project they could do together, the mother and daughter decided to put together a journal of advice, memories and sage stories from Emily's parents, grandparents and other family members.
Kate Marshall delicately described it as a "respectful offering of life lessons.''
She noted that the teenager could read the journal in private without having to sit through a lecture, which can be an emotional minefield. "We found that it was a good way for us to share things with her in a way that saved face,'' Kate said. "If she chose to follow the advice or not, that was her choice.''
Emily, 18, saw it as a collection of people sharing stories from their past. "I wanted to see more questions that would necessarily evoke a more personal response,'' said Emily, who was a junior at Campolindo High School in Moraga when she began working with her mother on the journal. "I was always the kind of kid that was very independent about things and probably less inclined to take advice.''
Using Emily's journal as a template, the Marshalls have published "Words to Live By: A Journal of Wisdom for Someone You Love," a fill-in book that parents can give to their children as they take off for college, a step closer to adulthood.
The book, which came out in April, covers a number of general life topics, including the art of making and keeping friends, ways to nurture your mind, body and spirit, developing money smarts and finding and sharing love.
They exchanged a steady stream of e-mails in coming up with questions that were posed for contributors. Some were philosophical -- "In my experience, lasting friendships come from:'' Others were practical -- "Some rules of thumb about car, home or other insurance are:'' A few led to disagreements between mother and daughter -- "My view on drug, tobacco and alcohol use is:''
"The drugs, alcohol and sex questions, I honestly didn't want to hear any more about it,'' Emily said.
But Kate insisted. "I thought it was important to have something for her, '' she said.
Do-it-yourself books run in the Marshall family.
Kate's husband, David, and his grandfather, Carl, published in 1994 "The Book of Myself: A Do-it-Yourself Autobiography in 201 Questions,'' a guide to writing an autobiography. David teamed up with Kate four years later to write "The Book of Us: A Journal of Your Love Story in 150 Questions,'' for couples who want to commemorate their romance in writing. Kate and David followed that up with "The Book of My Pet: In Celebration of Pets.'' All the books are published by Hyperion.
Her journal with Emily "was something that combined my love of parenting and my love of journals,'' said Kate, who worked part time as a marketing director while raising her daughter and son.
Emily's personal journal was sent throughout the country in a padded envelope, mailed to grandparents in New Hampshire, an uncle in Vermont, another uncle in New York and relatives in Oregon and Texas.
A brother-in-law of Kate's who was going through a divorce wrote about how to get over a broken heart. David advised his daughter about how to find the right guy. Emily's grandfather offered tips on investing. Someone else quoted Miss Piggy's lofty words, "Never eat more than you can lift.''
Many of the subjects probably wouldn't have been part of a casual "How are you doing" conversation with a member of the family. Often the writing, which covered parenting and other potential future topics, were invitations for Emily to talk to them sometime in the future. "There are things that people are comfortable writing but not initiating in a conversation,'' Kate said.
Although the book is relatively new, some family friends and acquaintances are already snatching up copies.
Shirlie Burns of San Leandro bought a journal for her niece's daughter, who just graduated from high school, and she plans to get another one for her granddaughter, who graduates in two years. "It's very wise to get it ahead of time,'' she said. "If you're going to write anything where it comes from the soul, it's better to think and construct what you want to put together.''
Much of the advice would never come up unless in a heart-to-heart conversation, she said. "And how many of those do you really have?''
Lynda Phelps, whose daughter, Bailey, went to school with Emily, picked up a journal for when her daughter graduates from college. She hopes to get comments about love from her husband's parents, who have been married for 66 years, before their memories fade. "Grandma has such lovely handwriting,'' she noted. And she wants to include her own memories of the family camping trips near Santa Cruz.
Phelps, who is a college adviser in Moraga, also plans to suggest the journal to some of her clients as they deal with their children's college and financial aid applications. "It's a big crossroads to go off and leave home,'' she said. "It's a nice time to give advice.''
She stressed the importance of people other than the parents offering advice. "Your advice they won't be reading it and loving it until they're in their 50s,'' Phelps said. "But grandparents or that sage aunt or uncle -- they haven't had the entanglements, that constant struggle, that push-pull that goes on between teenagers and parents.''
Emily, who just finished her freshman year at Wesleyan University, kept her journal on a shelf in her dorm room, wedged between favorites by Kurt Vonnegut and Maya Angelou. One aspect of the journal she especially enjoys is looking at the handwriting of family members, occasionally recognizing them from birthday cards. The handwriting of her aunt, the doctor, was particularly hard to read.
And every once in a while, when her roommate was away and she had a quiet moment, she would take out the journal and read some of the entries. "It was just when I felt like I needed to reconnect with my other world.''
---
If you have a son, daughter, or grandchild about to graduate from high school or college, please consider this book as a wisdom gift from your family to your young loved one as they go out into the world. We did one for our daughter Emily several years ago and are now composing one for our son Ben as he gets ready to graduate from high school. David Marshall
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Book of Myself - Middle Years - Family - The story about how I became engaged is:
In 1983, Kate and I were living in Mexico City working for Chase Manhattan Bank. We were twenty-somethings out to save the world and were madly in love. We had known each other for about eighteen months and had been living together for almost a year. We went to San Francisco to meet my brother and sisters. Several months earlier we had visited my mom and stepfather in Lima, Peru where I had purchased the engagement ring without Kate knowing. In San Francisco, we stayed in a funky Victorian hotel in the Haight Ashbury district. On the second day in the city I took Kate out for a hike at Lands End, which is a fantastic place at the northwestern end of the San Francisco peninsula to view the Golden Gate Bridge and the bay. I was so excited I was ready to burst. We hiked all the way down the rocks by the water on some pretty dangerous trials surrounded by poison oak. At the bottom, we had a picnic on the rocks with a gorgeous sunny view of the majestic bridge. I asked Kate if she wanted to make it permanent and gave her the Peruvian diamond ring. She said I had to get on one knee and do it right, so I got down and asked her to marry me, and she said yes. That was the happiest day in my life up to that point. There have been thousands of happy moments together since then, but that one sticks in my mind like it was yesterday.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOU - New Book Release
I am happy to announce a new book I have co-written with my wife Kate. Have you ever filled out a Valentine’s Day, birthday, or anniversary greeting card and wished you had more room to convey all the things you appreciate about your partner? What I Love About You (Broadway Books, January 2007) lets you express the many ways you cherish your special someone. The prompts are fun, evocative, easy to answer, and encourage intimacy, such as:
- If we’d met in a comic strip, the thought bubble over my head would have read:
- We clicked because we were: a) bread and butter, b) two peas in a pod, or c) sweet and sour.
- I first knew I loved you when:
- I’m glad I listened to you, or wish I had, when you said:
- I get a kick out of watching you:
My wife filled this out for me and gave it to me on our anniversary. Reading her loving words really choked me up. In over twenty year of marriage, this was the best and more personal present I have received from Kate. I will treasure it always. As I then filled one out for her birthday, I felt so close to her, remembering all the reasons we first fell in love, and forgetting the petty scwabbles of the day. After she read it she hugged me so tight I could hardly breathe. Wow.
Have fun filling it out and giving it,
David Marshall
Sunday, January 14, 2007
The Book of Myself - 2007 Revised Edition
NEW BOOK ANNOUNCEMENT: The ten-year anniversary revised edition was released by Hyperion Books/Disney on January 9, 2007.
Since 1997 the first edition has helped families capture life histories to pass on to future generations. Many families have written me to say how glad they are to have the stories down on paper, in personality-rich handwriting. Some have also shared what features made it especially easy to remember and write about their lives. I am pleased that Hyperion Publishing gave me the chance to draw on these comments to update the journal. In the new edition you’ll find:
Happy memoir making,
David Marshall
Marshall Books
Moraga, California
www.marshallbooks.net
Since 1997 the first edition has helped families capture life histories to pass on to future generations. Many families have written me to say how glad they are to have the stories down on paper, in personality-rich handwriting. Some have also shared what features made it especially easy to remember and write about their lives. I am pleased that Hyperion Publishing gave me the chance to draw on these comments to update the journal. In the new edition you’ll find:
- More space to write
- The green cover with burnt-orange trim replaces the original gray cover with red trim
- Elegant new interior design and “family tree” green color
- How-to ideas for genealogy enthusiasts
- Many of the same great questions about family friends, education, work and the world in the early, middle and later phases of life
- More questions about siblings, relatives, and special relationships
- Fun new questions
Happy memoir making,
David Marshall
Marshall Books
Moraga, California
www.marshallbooks.net
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